I've got a lot of thoughts running through my head. Some of these thoughts are questions. Questions that I may not want the answer to, but that are eating away at my brain meats. Why? Because I'm a girl. And girls, by nature, are slightly crazy. We think all the time, about any and every possibility to any given situation. Some of us settle down with the worst case scenario. I am one of those people. I try to be optimistic, I really do. But at best I get realistic, which really is only one step above pessimistic. I have all these thoughts, and I'm constantly wondering if it's ok to think these thoughts. Is it ok for me to think about this? Is it ok for me to feel this? I mean of course it's ok, because they're my thoughts and I can have them and think about what ever I like, but the question is should I? That's what I don't know. If I think these things, am I just setting myself up to be disappointed later? I'm also a bit fuzzy on some things, so that forces me to think even more about all possibilities of it. I second guess myself a lot, and I have terrible self esteem. A lot of what is going on in my head stems from those two issues that I have. (I suppose the second guessing stems from the self esteem though, so it's just one issue.) I have questions I don't know if I want answers to. At the same time, every time I've thought something, it always turns out to be wrong. In a good way though, 'cause every thing I've thought is the way I don't want it to go, and what has turned out to be correct is how I do want it to go. What does this all mean? I have no idea. That's just it. I've never been this clueless about a situation. I've always been able to figure out what is going on, but now... shoot, I got nothin. It's both thrilling and maddening. It'll just take time I suppose. Time to figure things out.
The thing is... I was able to fall asleep. This makes me happy. This also makes me nervous, because now I'm comfortable, and it really didn't take that long.
Honestly this post was not supposed to be this long. And it was not supposed to be all my brain meats and insecurities out on display. But it felt good to get it out. I will think about if I should delete this later. Or make it viewable only to me. I wish I knew how to make a preferred list.
I think I'm going to bed. Before I hang myself further.